Scav

Of all people, Matt Yglesias is in on the ScavHunt shenanigans. I would also suggest calling those numbers, but do it on behalf of the Lush Puppies: FIST team.

Doing Justice:

Howard Bashman says he can't do this Easterbrook opinion justice without quoting the whole thing. Well, it's only 8 pages, so maybe there's no point, but I'll try:

Here is the first paragraph of the “more definite statement,” right under the caption “SPECIFIC FALSE OR FRAUDULENT CLAIMS FOR PAYMENT (SFCFP)” (a caption that shows Garst’s love of inscrutable acronyms):

Claim for $2,584,926.04, MDS Ex. 1, TAC Ex. 47, submitted on August 9, 1993 and related payments by T.A. Sieverson, Vice-President of Lockheed Integrated Solutions Company, Lockheed Corporation to VA Contracting Officer Steve Stapleton for equipment and service provided during Phase I and Phase II of the OA&MM/ISMS LAN/WAN PROJECT. See TAC ¶¶ 141-181, 217-243, 252, 280-282, 291-295.

The acronyms alone force readers to look elsewhere. MDS means “More Definite Statement” and “TAC” means “Third Amended Complaint.” LAN is local area network, WAN is wide-area network, and PROJECT appears to be the word “project” masquerading as an acronym. What “OA&MM/ISMS” might mean, we have not endeavored to discover. . .
The second section of the “more definite statement” begins with the caption “SPECIFIC FALSE STATEMENTS OR RECORDS MADE IN ORDER TO OBTAIN PAYMENT”. The first paragraph in this section reads:

The total claims for the OA&MM LAN/WAN are fraudulent or false because Lockheed’s cost estimate given to the VA’s Stapleton was false because, to obtain the project task order, Lockheed told the VA that it could accomplish the OA&MM LAN/WAN statement of work for $1.2 million, a savings of $700,000 over the previously selected Banyan VINES configuration. Lockheed billed the VA for at least $2.6 million and never delivered a working LAN/WAN that met the contract requirements. Lockheed submitted the false cost statement to the NOAVA Contracting Officer (Stapleton). TAC ¶ 141, Ex. 41.

“NOAVA” stands for “National Office Automation for Veterans Affairs.” VINES expands to “Virtual Integrated Network Services” but used in this paragraph is the name of a competitor’s product rather than an acronym for a family of network protocols. What “the OA&MM LAN/WAN statement of work” might be is a mystery . . .

We could go on with other paragraphs of the complaint and statement, but there would be little point to the exercise. . . even if it were possible to navigate through these papers to a few specific instances of fraud, why should the court be obliged to try? Rule 8(a) requires parties to make their pleadings straightforward, so that judges and adverse parties need not try to fish a gold coin from a bucket of mud. Federal judges have better things to do, and the substantial subsidy of litigation (court costs do not begin to cover the expense of the judiciary) should be targeted on those litigants who take the preliminary steps to assemble a comprehensible claim. . .

A concise statement of the claim illustrated by 400 concrete examples of fraud would be one thing, but 400 variations on the kind of paragraph we have quoted are quite another. Complaints like this are pestilential, and the district court showed great restraint in wading through four iterations plus one “more definite statement” before giving up. Garst received more judicial attention than his pleadings deserved.

Scavhunt:

From the rickshaws riddling the quads and the fact that my classes are half-empty (half-full?) I deduce that it's scavhunt. This is a difficult tradition to explain. It is, simply, an immense scavenger hunt, full of items that sound utterly impossible, but sometimes the contestants surprise. Like the time that some kids in BJ built the small self-contained nuclear reaction . . . Anyway, the mania will be gripping the campus for the next few days, and also other parts of the country as kids go on a road trip for some of the items or tasks. The list is here, and it's much more math-oriented than usual. A few choice excerpts follow.

5: Prove conclusively that you are not a kangaroo. Hint: What is something we all do but kangaroos don't? [2 points]

18: A 1-1 scale fully-functional hoopak. [67 points]

21: A 500-word essay on what Kurt Hahn has done for the Magic community and why the DCI should end his suspension.[13 points. 20 bonus points if he tells us in person.]

30: SHAT. Where "SHAT" is short for "ScavHunt Authority for Transit." Your public rickshaw service has two lines: The 1, which runs from 3h75 and 6h25 from Cobb to Kent, and the 2, which runs during the same hours from BioMal to Harper. Runs should be at least smi-hourly during weekdays. [171 points. 35 bonus points if you notice that the acronym should be SHAfT and, as such, deck our your 'shaw accordingly. 10 bonus points if, on top of that, you have a Rick James shaw. 10 bonus points if your sha doubles as a Thurn und Taxi.]

46: Mobius stripper. Must be non-orientable. Must not emphasize the one-dimensionality of the stripper's personality. [28 points].

57: Shock and awe the Lincoln Pilgrims by preaching Marx from atop his resting place. [25 points. 15 bonus points for a 56th Annual Lincoln pilgrimage shirt]

66: A UofC-themed pr0n website, or, at least, its gateway. Include UofCers in compromising positions, as tantalizing, covered teasers for the "members only" section. We want photogalleries and some movies, and cheesy premises, like "will you install my Ethernet card in my slot," or "Resident Head, Dorm Munch." [69 points. 25 bonus points if you get a tenured professor to pose. 10 bonus points if you get a xxx.uchicago.edu domain name, where xxx is some sexy string. -45 bonus points if the site is not correctly viewable using Net+]

76: A #1 pencil.

97: In honor of our newfound Freedom of Information, inform as many people as you can of the home phone numbers of John Poindexter, John Ashcroft, and Tom Ridge in a massive publicity campaign. [66 points]

122: Infect the College with a self-propagating meme. you must declare this meme at Captains' Ice Cream Social. [58 points]

184: A freedom kiss. [2 points]

206: Break all Ten Commandments in one, damning action. [10 points]

241: Elrond Hubbard. [9 points]

Self-Defense:

Gadfly Nick Tarasen challenges my Libertarian creds. Largely because I don't think there is, or should be, a constitutional prohibition against moral legislation.

Let me reiterate: I think it's bad, bad, bad, for the government to criminalize a lot of the conduct that it does, especially in the realm of consensual adult "sin". But nothing in the constitution forbids it from doing so, for the most part. Yes, of course, "(w)e do lots of things the framers would never have pulled out of the constitution," but I'm not certain that we should. I think it's hard for constitutional interpretation to take itself seriously if the Supreme Court becomes a mere shadow legislature.

That said, there are some coherent theories of constitutional interpretation that hold some sin regulation unconstitutional, and maybe that isn't a bad thing. But the constitution really shouldn't be where we turn to win our political battles-- the liberal court eager to read privacy into the constitution may be just as eager to read gun rights, or even hate speech, out of it. And as the court itself has acknowledged, "liberty can find no refuge in a jurisprudence of doubt."

Chicago Tribune Roundup:

A lonely sheet of newsprint I found on the table in the Law School yesterday contained a wealth of interesting stories. (registration required, I think).

Exhibit One, a column by Clarence Page that defends Bill Bennett's gambling. The defense is that gambling is legal, while the vices Bennett condemns are illegal. Well, fine. But that begs the question. Why is gambling legal and marijuana smoking not? This is not to say I think it's wrong to obey the law, once it exists, but Bennett is charged with making more than just a legal argument. He has to make a moral argument, which shouldn't presuppose that law-drawn-lines are right. Now, there does seem to be a widespread consensus that gambling is better than pot-smoking, but if the law-distinction boils down to "lots of people think so" without anything futher. . . I'm unsatisfied.

For that matter, Page baffles me with:

Comparing sex acts between consenting adults in the privacy of one's own home to bigamy, polygamy, incest and adultery is about as odious as comparing an illegal crap game to a church bingo night.

In any case, we can ill afford to demand that people who speak publicly in favor of moral behavior be morally perfect themselves. Not only would we perish of boredom, but we'd so limit the field of political candidates that we might as well skip the discussion and insert our feeding tubes.

The worst punishment came after he was caught on camera chewing gum during the playing of the Iraqi national anthem at an Asian Nations Cup match in 2000. The team lost the game 4-1, and Aziz, the goalkeeper and the center forward were all taken directly to Radwaniyah upon their return to the country.

For the next 24 days, they were subjected to a bizarre routine of punishments. They were dragged on their backs across a pavement of sharp stones. They were immersed in raw sewage. At night, while dropping with sleep, Aziz and the other prisoners were required to count the flecks in the flagstones over and over; no matter what number he came up with, the guards told him he was wrong and ordered him to start again.

A fetus is:

(via How Appealing) An odd Connecticut ruling declares that a fetus is a body part.

We are persuaded that a five week old fetus consti-tutes a part of the mother’s body and, therefore, is a ‘‘member’’ of her body within the meaning of §§ 53a-70a (a) (2) and 53a-59 (a) (2). First, as with any bodily part, a fetus constitutes physically identifiable tissue. Second, implantation of the fetus occurs within the mother’s uterus, and the fetus is attached to the mother via the umbilical cord and placenta. See, e.g., A. Guy-ton & J. Hall, Textbook of Medical Physiology (10th Ed. 2002) pp. 945–46. Finally, the fetus is nourished and sustained by the mother; indeed, at five weeks of age, the fetus is incapable of survival outside the mother.

I write separately only to emphasize that the mere fact that we have determined that a fetus, under the circumstances of this case, is a ‘‘member’’ of a woman’s body for purposes of §§ 53a-59 (a) (2) and 53a-70a (a) 2) does not suggest that either the majority or I have concluded that a fetus may not have its own indepen-dent existence. In other words, the fetus may both be a part of its mother as well as its own individual being. Indeed, this property is among the unique characteris-tics of a fetus that make it truly sui generis. The fact that a fetus has exceptional attributes that may entitle it to legal protections in its own right, however, does not mean that a fetus is not also a member of a woman’s body.

Sullivan's concurring statement . . . is a terribly damaging violation of metaphysics. He concurs with the ruling, thereby also endorsing "Finally, the fetus is nourished and sustained by the mother; indeed, at five weeks of age, the fetus is incapable of survival outside the mother." Yet he writes that a fetus "may have its own independent existence."

Lacking a law dictionary, I turned to the OED for a definition of "independent." The third definition reads, "Not depending on something else for its existence, validity, efficiency, operation, or some other attribute; not contingent on or conditioned by anything else." Yet a fetus (especially in the early and middle stages) is entirely dependent upon the mother for all of these things, and hence it is ludicrous to posit that a fetus may have an independent existence. . .

I fear for the state of Connecticut if metaphysical and epistemological travesties -- assaults on the very roots of philosophy -- are the judicial norm.

1. a. Not depending upon the authority of another, not in a position of subordination or subjection; not subject to external control or rule; self-governing, autonomous, free.

?:

I don't mean to be snide, I'm really just wondering. The Washington Post bears this story about how nude art school models in Philadelphia have voted to unionize.

The Moore models said that disrobing for art school classes is hard work that requires them to hold a pose for long periods under sometimes difficult conditions. The studios at Moore and other art schools often lack private changing areas, adequate heaters and outside air, Hankins said.

Looting:

So the good news is that almost allof the Iraqi artifacts weren't stolen after all. The bad news, is that Saddam and Qusay looted about a billion dollars from the Iraqi central bank. William Safire writes about it the most cleverly.

A billion dollars. Remember that an attache case can fit 2 million dollars, if you pack it really tight. Now imagine carrying out 500 attache cases of cash. Where would you put it? Safire writes:

Fact No. 1: the Fed tells me that $312 billion in $100 bills is floating around the world, twice as much as exists in the U.S. of that denomination of our currency. (That "float" amounts to an interest-free loan from the world to us.)

Fact No. 2: each bill has a serial number, which requires the thief of a huge run to route it through a variety of cutouts lest it be traced back.

Fact No. 3: trucks don't have wings.

Since I know my insurance company won't give me what I really want:

The Student Care Center is an Ergonomics: Reducing Back, Neck, and Shoulder Pain workshop next Wednesday night, May 14th, from 7:00 to 8:00pm at Henry Crown.

What is it my insurance company won't give me? It's this device that looks like an adult-sized EMS backboard suspended, pivoting by an A-frame. You swing the backboard until it's vertical, strap your feet in their ski-boot restraints, fasten some more straps elsewhere around your body, and slowly raise your hands above your head, shifting your center of gravity, until gradually you're horizontal and then a full 180 degrees, dangling from your feet. If I said it's like the rack, only comfortable, you wouldn't believe me. But it is marvelous. You just bounce carefully from your feet until everything pops that needs popping. It's also good if you're studying late at night and tired -- hang until all the blood flows to your head. You come out of it awake and feeling re-energized.

Anyway, to get back to the purported point of this post rather than hoping that some kind reader, out of the goodness of his heart and depths of his wallet. . . who am I kidding?. . . go to Henry Crown, learn what SCC has to tell you, see if I show up after mentioning it.

Gilmore Girls

Slate just posted an article on the Gilmore Girls, a show much beloved by much of this blog. It's a good article, but there are several points with which I have to take issue. Heffernan writes:

Like other WB producers, Amy Sherman-Palladino, the creator and executive producer of Gilmore Girls, has meticulously created a world so protected and old-fashioned that people's minor transgressions (listening to rock 'n' roll, having sex before marriage) still count as transgressions, and still have compelling moral consequences.

While it's true that Gilmore Girls is lacking in vice by the standards of modern television, it's hardly a throwback to the fifties. The only character who is truly anti-sex and anti-rock is portrayed as amusingly out of synch with the world around her, and her daughter's inevitable rebellion as a positive step in her development. Nevertheless, she is also portrayed as motivated by a genuine concern for her daughter's welfare.

This, ultimately, is what makes the show so good. Instead of relying on stereotypes, or creating characters with problems beyond the ken of most ordinary mortals, the show recognizes that the fodder for drama in the lives of ordinary people--family fights, breakups, concerns over money--can also make compelling television.

Well of course...

If you're going to put lemon in your tea, of course you're going to kill all of the tea flavor. A good cup of tea should be subtly perfumed. A good squirt of lemon juice should be assertively sour. Lemon only belongs in iced tea, which is brewed to be about twice as strong, and hence needs the acidity to counteract the bitterness that results. To learn how to brew a sublime cup of tea, go here. (Yes, I realize the site is in French. If there is demand, I will post a translation of the pertinent information.)