I hate to break the intellectual tone of the blog, but I really wanted to show this to someone. This is why I should never be allowed to write poems:

A man once lived named Ben Saintclair, who had an illness utmost rare. Take as much as you can bear of the fateful tale of

Ben Saintclair

From noon to ten, Ben's pain did blare.
But after that, his pain would flare.

Ben's pain would rage most anywhere.
On the ground, or in the air.
Cross the sea to St. Pierre,
But still would ache poor Ben Saintclair.

He'd been to Dr. Bombonare,
Provider of his primary care.
Ben's concern for his welfare
Had made the Doc a millionaire.

The good rich Doc did so declare,
"Greetings, my friend Ben Saintclair!
How do you, my patient, fare?"
Ben just groaned and took a chair.

"Doc, it hurts; it's just not fair.
It hurts me if I'm here or there.
It hurts all over, everywhere!"
Said the sick man Ben Saintclair.

"Hmm..." said Dr. Bombonare.
"Here are choices two: a pair.
Want to stay or take Zolnair®?
Untested pills, so please take care.
Unless, of course, you're fine right there.
"No!" said Mr. Ben Saintclair.

Later, Ben, well, he did stare
At the side effects of the new Zolnair.
"Effects include: a loss of hair,
Nausea, and skin may tear."
Ben's life was a harsh nightmare.

Don't end up like Ben Saintclair.
Read fine print, if you dare.

This Just In:

Graduate students in the math department have just sent my University's president the following letter:

Dear President Randel:

We would like to express our indignation with the new University policy which will require all foreign students to pay an additional fee.

We think that charging foreign students an extra fee for expenses related to keeping tabs on foreign nationals is blatantly discriminating and unjust. We realize that the University faces increased costs to comply with government regulations. However, if the goal of these new regulations is to increase security for everyone, it seems only fair that everyone would share the expenses involved.

Foreign students should be made to bear the costs of tracking foreigners no more than people suspected of a crime should be made to pay the costs of their investigation.

We strongly believe that the main mission of the University is to foster the freedom of academic inquiry. Unfair, unnecessary and divisive policies such as the proposed tax on foreign students have no place at a highly respected institution of learning. We hope that the administration of the University of Chicago will do the right thing and will reconsider this decision.

Victor's Little Secret:

The best line from Stevens's opinion:

Whatever difficulties of proof may be entailed, they are not an acceptable reason for dispensing with proof of an element of statutory violation.

Wake Up:

Rumor has it that two students here committed suicide recently. One seems to be fairly well confirmed, but the other may well be a bit of chaff from the gossip mill. I will report more when I know it. This latest rash prompted one of my friends to write "Wake up, Chicago, you're failing to take care of people." But I don't think that's so, for two reasons.

One, it's not within the university's duties or even capabilities to keep its students from killing themselves; it can keep us well-fed, it can nurture us, heal us if we're sick, try to keep the streets safe, and even talk to us if we come forward and are feeling blue. But it can't stop us from killing ourselves; suicide is, ultimately, a very personal decision even if it's often the wrong one. I, for one, am not willing to sacrifice the great degree of autonomy the U of C gives us; suicide prevention measures should fall to one's friends and family, not to one's school.

Second, Chicago does care. A few editorials were bandied about in the Chicago Weekly News a month ago about the U of C not caring about its students, but . . . it does. The folks in housing do try really hard to build communities that people can be happy about (if they just kicked out aramark and slashed dorm prices, I might even have stayed in the dorm), and more importantly, the university itself creates a place where . . . well . . . where learning stuff is rewarded. Chicago cares, but it can only comfort us with the currency it has-- the life of the mind.

I'll write more as I know more; as it stands it's late and I should go to bed. One last thought, though. Chicago's suicide rate this year is fairly high for a university of its size; one should take into account the possibility for selection bias, though. I suspect that the U of C tends to attract a less social, more introspective type of student; perhaps the suicides aren't a sign that the U of C is working us to death (it isn't, honestly) but rather that there's sometimes an unpleasant borderline between death and discovery. Yes, we should try to keep our friends and classmates alive, but don't let's blame the University of Chicago. Nobody comes here without having some idea of what they're getting into.


TWO UPDATES

Apparently there has been only one suicide. This is good, at least. Secondly, Amanda Butler defends nightline. (This was the anonymous, confidential, student-run advice line. So do I. She's right. I'm wrong. The university shouldn't have shut it down. Maybe it's worth a letter or editorial in the maroon. Anybody want to write one or should I?

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Let me be the first to say:

MLA sucks. It's University of Chicago-form all the way.